I'm hungry, yet I'm not.
I'm sitting here eating a snack, because I ate weird, random stuff all day.
But I don't want to eat a snack.
It's not that I don't want to eat.
It's just this nagging nausea.
I ate dinner so that I could take my pain medication.
I'm having really, really bad pain in my liver and spleen area.
I can't take narcotics or strong pain medicine anymore because of my depression/fibromyalgia pain medicine.
The medicine worked for a little bit, but made me even more nauseous.
Then I got even worse pain around my liver.
It was to the point where I was about to scream and/or cry because it hurt so bad.
Right now, the pain is still there but not quite as bad.
I really hope it doesn't get worse.
I mean my pain medication obviously doesn't help for six to eight hours.
It helps slightly for one hour, if that.
I hate to complain about this stuff, but it's my blog, and I'm uncomfortable.
Basically what's going on is I had more blood tests to try to figure out why I'm so unbelievably uncomfortable, fatigued, nauseous, in pain, and lightheaded.
I thought that the hospital was getting somewhere.
All of my tests came back normal, or within normal limits.
So now it's back to outpatient stuff, with all of my doctors trying to figure this one out.
I feel like a walking mystery.
It's like I can never just have a simple, easy to diagnose problem like everyone else.
When I have a sinus infection even now, they question if it's an infection, sinus pressure, or a migraine.
Sometimes I think my doctors just expect me to wait it out.
Yet it almost always ends with me in pain and miserable.
The most common thing is for them to 'treat my symptoms'.
They don't know what's causing my pain?
Pain medication is the answer.
They don't know what's causing my nausea?
Nausea medication is the next step/
They don't know why I keep getting fevers and extremely itchy?
Why not add antihistamines on top of that.
It feels that way with my depression, anxiety, anorexia, and bulimia too.
I can take all the medicine I want and it helps to some extent, but in the end it's me who has to do the work.
I could keep taking pain medication, but what good is that if there's 'nothing' causing my pain?
Shouldn't someone figure something out by now?
I know I have chronic abdominal pain.
Pain in your spleen and liver?
That just doesn't seem normal to me.
It's most certainly not like a normal stomach ache.
I mean I've been through a lot of stuff before too.
I know what it feels like to almost black out from anorexia.
I know what it feels like to have an upset stomach or intestinal spasms or acid reflux.
I know what low blood pressure feels like.
I also know when there's something wrong with me.
I used to get all the time the cold shoulder, like 'you're making this up' or 'you're exaggerating' or whatever.
The thing is I'm not, by any means.
Don't you think if I survived all I've been through emotionally I could handle physical pain?
Things just get so complicated when I'm sick, and I absolutely hate it.
You might think I dwell on it too much, and sometimes I do, but if I'm walking around in pain, it's kind of hard not to notice.
I don't know.
I don't get any test results until Monday at the earliest.
Basically at this point, it's hard to eat, I'm in a lot of pain, I'm nauseous, I have a constant fever, I alternate between hot and cold flashes, and am just so freaking fatigued.
And it's terrible because I can't lay on my left side or I'm in pain, or my right side or I'm in pain, or my back or I'm lightheaded.
I just want to go to bed and wake up feeling, I don't know, different, or with some answers, or some better medicine, or something.
It's a far stretch, but I can dream.
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