I feel so betrayed right now.
It feels like my heart has been ripped out from under me.
I suspected this for a long time, but now my fears have been confirmed.
The majority of my friends won't talk to me anymore.
These include mainly my friends from drumline, marching band, and concert band.
I just had, and still have, this gut feeling, that this guy (Shane we will call him) turned them against me.
From time to time, I'll see a post from someone on my friends list, and there will be the picture of (Shane) staring me in the face, piercing me with his words.
I have absolutely no feelings except hate towards (Shane) and the hurt he has caused me.
So, tonight, I decided to do a little investigating I guess you could call it, of his profile.
I basically had my deepest fears confirmed.
(Shane) is succeeding in life, (Shane) has my friends, (Shane) has everything I ever dreamed of.
He's a music education major at the same college I plan on attending in, like, a month.
I always wanted to be a music major.
He's like, a star percussionist, and thriving with every aspect of it.
I used to played the drums, I used to be good, if not great, and it was all ripped away from me by my eating disorder.
I feel like my life has been ripped out from under me by, none other than, (Shane).
I honestly believe there's some kind of little thing going on behind my back from High School still.
I have every reason to believe that the main guy here, is (Shane).
I don't like to talk about it, in fact, I almost refuse to talk about what happened between us, unless it is to my therapist or psychiatrist.
It just brings back every rude remark, every glare, every look, every emotion, every ounce of pain.
Basically, it brings back everything.
I hate how my old friends have turned against me.
I almost feel like I'm being made fun of by them to some extent, like laughed at in the face.
I realize that some of this is me exaggerating, but if you were in my shoes, you would most likely feel betrayed also.
However, I am telling nothing but the facts based on my observations, and I would never lie.
I've learned that through (Shane), never lie, because he is honestly the biggest liar I know.
He stole my innocence, my identity, my friends, my heart, and, most of all my life.
And he gets away with everything.
He gets a knock on the door from a police officer, oh wow.
I get the police in my house, with me crying the hardest I ever cried in my life, exposing myself to a police officer.
Exposing every ounce of myself through treatment, the flashbacks, the blackouts, the nightmares.
And he doesn't even think twice about me except to make my life miserable.
I mean, it's like when I was a freshman he just lived to torture me in any way possible.
Well, (Shane) you have been exposed, what I can safely say about you anyway.
You've torn me apart, inch my inch, pound by pound.
Gosh, I hate talking about this, because I feel like such a weak, fragile, jealous little girl.
So to (Shane), thank you for ripping apart my heart and soul, taking over my life, and making me lose the girl I once was.
Thank you, and now good night.
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