Yoga Junkie

So I downloaded the app for this on my iPod touch so now I can write without having my eyes glued to my laptop. It's pretty much awesome because I can jam out to Lady GaGa at midnight while procrastinating with taking my sleeping pills and write at the same time. I can even do all of this while laying down in my bed. If you can get this the blogger app is a mist get. I just have this vision of myself carrying my iPod everywhere with me and posting very often which I'm excited about. But anyway. Ever since I laid down it's like I have all this energy and want to do anything but be laying in bed right now. Yes I realize that it's midnight. I just have this strong urge to go running. How weird is that. I mean seriously any form of exercise makes me fatigued beyond belief. Yet I just want to go take a nice run around the block. I used to run all the time and be quite good at it. Running used to be one of my things. I was never on the track or cross country team or anything yet I loved to run around with my music blasting in my ear and the fresh air all around me. It's one of the most awesome feelings I can remember. I also love doing some kind of gentle Pilates or Yoga for like ten or twenty minutes. I used to be obsessed with Yoga, like Yoga was my love. I know that I have a history of compulsive exercising yet I love the whole doing something good for yourself feeling it gives you. I don't want to exercise to burn calorie at all. My body just feels so stiff and tense that I want to break out my Yoga mat and start stretching and relaxing. Plus I don't want to run a marathon. And I'm not going to run for miles or at an insane pace. I want to jog around the block and come home. I feel like I want to make some positive changes like drinking fruit juice instead of all the Diet Coke I consume. I don't want to lose weight. I don't want to be toned or whatever. I just want to do something that I can feel good about. I also have this desire to break out some of my old drumming books, a drum pad, and my drumsticks and just go crazy seeing what I can still do. I mean I used to be an amazing drummer with a lot of talent and potential in the music field. I know that I still want to be a psychologist and everything. Yet it doesn't hurt to have hobbies like running and Yoga and drumming. Those used to be my three favorite things and I miss them. When I began treatment they told me that I had to stop all forms of exercise and drumming. That just about killed me, being a drummer and all. I feel like they ripped a part of my soul away from me that was music. Well guess what. I want my music back. I want my Yoga and I want my running. I miss being in shape in a reasonably healthy way. I think that all of this treatment has taught me to stick to who I really am. I still love psychology. Yet I'm a drummer. I'm a runner. I'm a Yoga and Pilates junkie. Why should I let my eating disorder steal that away from me forever? I know that the key word is moderation. And I'm not trying to sound like I want to burn calories or whatever. I just want to have some fun. And for me exercise always brought some feeling of contentment. Even though I compulsively exercised when I tried it again after treatment it made me feel like I accomplished something. I'm starting college in a week and a half. I want to start exercising again. I want to drum, be it drum pad or set. I want to get my life going the way I want it to. I'm so sick and tired of my eating disorder and chronic fatigue syndrome and depression holding me back. I am strong. And after a good nights sleep I am convinced that in the morning I can do this. And yes I will rock it.