On Any Other Day I'd Be Blue Eyes Crying

It feels good to just lay in my bed under a fuzzy blanket writing on my blog. I feel like my life is spinning almost and I just want to get off of this ride. My dad is currently unemployed and I can tell that he is getting somewhat depressed. So basically I feel like I should spend time with him. I hate leaving him alone to be sad and think about work and do basically nothing. I hate leaving him for lunch by himself and just to sit there the whole day. I mean he is applying for jobs and visiting places but there is only so much you can do at a time. I usually stay with my grandparents during the day. But whoever I don't stay with gets hurt. And of course the four of us can't do something because it just seems like they have this huge problem with my dad. It's really sad. Then we add my boyfriend to the mix. I love him to death don't get me wrong. Yet my dad and grandma and grandpa want to spend time with me and then so does he when he doesn't work. It's going to be so rough when my school starts next weeks because I have afternoon classes every day now. There weren't enough people in my one class so I have to change things around. I know that means I should spend time with him and my dad and grandma and grandpa while I can. Yet at this point my head is spinning and I would be more content doing things on my own right now. Of course I can't drive so that's the problem. I would love to drive around campus, walk to my class buildings, shop for my college clothing, go to the mall, spend my graduation money on some new stuff, maybe go out for lunch with some friends. But of course I can't do any of that. I mean I could but I have to have someone with me constantly. I feel bad saying that I want to go shopping alone. But honestly I just want to clear my head. I'm trying to think of what I could do. I guess since this is my last week before school starts I should be spending time with family an friends. I did finish all of my letters and am putting then in the mail tomorrow to my closest family and friends. I also have to work on getting the real form of my one pill instead of the generic. They randomly switched me and it's making everything that's bad a million times worse. I have to call around and get a new psychiatrist. Schedule a physical with my doctor. Register for a new class time. Get excused from gym class by emailing my one doctor. Now you se why I'm overwhelmed. What the heck am I suppose to do? I wish I didn't have all of this weighing me down. Why can't I just enjoy m last week of freedom? I don't want to do all of this. Then next Tuesday is orientation basically all day. And my parents and therapist are breathing down my neck to go find my guidance counselor or whoever the heck it is. The fact is I don't want to. I don't get along well with that type of people. I feel like they look down upon me an want to control me. I can control myself without their two cents thank you very much. There's so much on my mind that I don't want to go to bed even though I'm so exhausted. I have to figure out what the heck I'm doing tomorrow because when I wake up I'll see my dad immediately and have a text from my boyfriend and have to call my grandpa. Now you see too why I like not having much of a life. Its not this overwhelming and frustrating. I'm so cold and my stomach doesn't feel so good either. I want to just hide under my blanket and forget about this all. Or magically wish this away. Either would be fine with me.